Wholehearted Page 6

  “That must be frustrating,” Oliver said, sipping his coffee.

  “A little, but part of me thinks it’s for the best.” Declan gave Oliver a look of warning. “I’m not saying I’m in love with him, or I even have feelings for him. All I’m saying is that the possibility isn’t completely out of the question, and I just can’t. I don’t want to get too attached, so Lucas’s attitude makes that a lot easier for me.”

  “Uh huh.” Oliver was disbelieving. They had only known each other for the year since Oliver had moved to town, but they had become close friends, and Oliver had a way of seeing through people. He’d had Declan’s number from day one, and had never let Declan live it down.

  “Can we just talk about something else?” Declan asked, becoming slightly agitated with the direction the conversation had taken. “I have no idea how long he’s going to sleep, and the last thing he needs is to walk in on a conversation about me wanting to get in his pants.”

  “So you admit, you do want to get in his pants,” Oliver said triumphantly.

  “Ugh! You are so exasperating sometimes.”

  “One of my many charms. It’s what people love about me.”

  “Yeah, speaking of people loving you”—Declan changed the subject—“how is life on the committed side?”

  “It’s been good. It took a bit of adjusting for Mack to get used to living out and proud… the grand romantic gesture he made during his speech at Christmas was done without a lot of forethought, and he isn’t totally there yet, but I’m trying to be patient with him. There have been a ton of changes in the last year, and I’ve got to give the guy credit for handling them as well as he has. You know he’s not the most patient or level-headed guy when it comes to certain things, and he’s handled criticism and uncertainty from some people he’s known all his life, and he’s done it with a smile on his face… and making sure I keep a smile on mine, if you know what I mean.” Oliver quirked one eyebrow up and gave a little grin.

  “Ugh, okay, I don’t want to know. He’s my friend, but he’s also my boss. I don’t need to be picturing him pounding your ass every time I see him.”

  “Who said anything about him pounding my ass?” Oliver teased.

  “What?”

  “I’m kidding.”

  Declan laughed. “Oh.”

  “For a cop, you’re pretty easy to ruffle, you know.”

  “Not used to talking about sex all that much, that’s all. You know what happened in Austin. I’m trying, but it’s hard to let it go some days.”

  “Yeah, I know. Sorry, I didn’t mean to tease you.”

  “No, it’s fine. I’m moving on and getting over it. Just haven’t ever had the chance to talk openly about my… preferences… with anyone other than you and Mack.”

  Oliver reached across the table and covered Declan’s hands with his own. “Of course, Dec. Anytime. You’ve become really important to me too.”

  Declan smiled at him. He was lucky to have a friend like Oliver.

  “So how are things down at the shop? Things working out with Haydn?”

  “Yeah, things have been great. He’s really spunky, and as far as the business side of things, it’s mostly up to me. He doesn’t have much of a head for numbers… or anything but baking really, but I deal with the math and the meal-type food, and Haydn deals with the sweets and baking. So far things are working out great.”

  “I’m happy for you. You deserve good things after everything you went through.”

  “Thanks. I do feel a bit like this is my prize for dealing with shitty circumstances.”

  Declan smiled broadly. “That’s a good way of looking at it.”

  “I thought so.”

  “HELLO?” LUCAS called hesitantly as he walked into the kitchen wearing nothing but the scrubs the nurse had given him at the hospital. The drawstring was tied loosely, and the thin material hung precariously off Lucas’s slim hips. The gauzy material clung in all the right places, giving Declan a clear outline of what hid below the fabric.

  The slowly healing bruises and lacerations that decorated Lucas’s skin marred the perfection of his body. Dark purple contusions bled into yellow closer to the edges of the wounds. He looked like he’d been hit by a train. Besides the injuries, his hair was all over the place and his face marked with lines from the pillow, but he didn’t look all that rested. His eyes were still red, and his unmarked skin looked pale.

  “Oh, uh, hey, Lucas. This is my friend Oliver.” Declan turned to Oliver who had a bemused look on his face. “Oliver, this is Lucas.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Lucas,” Oliver offered. “You want a cinnamon bun?”

  “Fuck yes,” Lucas replied before plopping himself down into a seat and placing the sticky pastry on a napkin. He licked the frosting from his fingers one by one, and Declan was mortified to realize he was staring at his pink tongue wrapping around each fingertip. He could feel the blood in his body surging south, filling his cock to painful hardness in seconds flat. The sound of Oliver chuckling broke him out of his little fantasy world.

  Declan glared at Oliver.

  “You have a good nap?” Declan asked.

  Lucas just shrugged and reached for another cinnamon bun.

  “These are fucking amazing,” he said, his mouth full of gooey dough.

  “Thanks. My partner Haydn makes them fresh every day. You should come by sometime. We’ve got lots of sweet and sticky things if that’s how you like them.”

  Declan continued to glare, hoping Lucas hadn’t noticed the not-so-subtle innuendo. No such luck, Lucas started to look uncomfortable.

  “Uh, maybe,” he said and stared down at his now-empty napkin.

  Oliver rose from the table. “Well, I should be going. Mack’s going to be off in an hour, and I still need to get supper in the oven. He gets cranky if there’s no food when he gets home, and then all loving is withheld.”

  “Yeah right,” Declan said disbelievingly. “Loving is never withheld in your house.”

  “You’re right, but he likes to threaten, and I don’t wanna take any chances that he might follow through one day.” Oliver winked at Declan and turned back to Lucas who was busy inspecting the remaining crumbs in front of him as though they might float off the table. “Nice to meet you, Lucas. Hope to see you again.”

  He pulled his coat on and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Declan and Lucas alone again, in what was a very awkward silence. Declan balled up the napkins and took the plates to the sink to soak the sticky frosting off.

  “So Oliver, he’s like….” Lucas trailed off.

  “Like what?” Declan asked.

  “Uh, he and Mack are like, lovers?”

  “Yeah. They’ve been together for almost a year now.”

  “And people don’t think it’s weird that they’re queer?”

  “Not really. Some people aren’t okay with it, and they’ve had some really awful things said to them, but the people that matter are supportive and it’s tough not to be when you see them together. It’s obvious how much they love each other.”

  “Oh” was the only response Declan got. Lucas wasn’t exactly overflowing with conversation.

  “I guess we should probably think about getting supper started. You must be hungry, living on hospital food for the past few days, and I didn’t even feed you once we got home.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Yeah, I get that, but how about we order a pizza tonight. You can eat if you want to, or not. Your choice.”

  “Aren’t you working tonight?”

  “Yep. I am on call, but one of the nice things about living in such a small town is that it only takes a few minutes to get anywhere. Sometimes I do patrols around town to make sure everything is as it should be, but if something happens, Lisa, our secretary and dispatcher, calls me and I leave out from here. It’s a nice perk. Unless you want the place to yourself. If you do, I can go into the station. There is some paperwork I could take care of.”

  “No, that’s okay,” Lucas said, fidgeting in his seat.

  Declan was secretly pleased, but tried not to let it show. “So what do you like on your pizza?”

  “Whatever.”

  “I should have guessed,” Declan said, his tone dry.

  He grabbed the menu for the only pizza place in town off the fridge and dialed Marcus’s number. Marcus picked up on the third ring.

  “Hey Marcus,” Declan said. “Busy tonight?”

  “Yup, but never too busy for my new best customer.”

  “New?”

  “Yeah, Mack used to be one of my best, but since he and Oliver have gotten together, he orders far less pizza… my sales have gone down almost thirty percent in the past year!” Marcus joked.

  “Well, glad to know I’ll be picking up the slack. Can I get two pizzas, one meat and one with everything?” Declan glanced at Lucas to see if there was any sort of sign of approval. Nothing.

  “Sure, Declan. It’ll be ready in thirty minutes. You wanna pick it up, or do you want me to get Ben to drive it out to you?”

  “Delivery please.”

  “Sure thing. He’ll be there in half an hour.”

  “Thanks, Marcus,” Declan said before hanging up the phone.

  DINNER WENT well, Lucas eating more pizza than Declan had anticipated. They sat in the living room together, and Declan turned on the TV. He found a monster movie for them to watch, assuming that if Lucas liked monsters in his graphic novels, he might like them on TV as well. He hadn’t said much since Oliver had left, seeming to be even more withdrawn.

  Maybe he avoided the subject of Oliver being gay. After what Lucas had gone through, and the word fag scrawled across the crime scene, if Lucas wasn’t gay, it was at least going to be a difficult subject. There was no way he was going to out himself to Lucas, though, just in case. He didn’t want to make Lucas uncomfortable, and if he were being honest with himself, he wasn’t all that comfortable admitting it either.

  The problems with the Austin police department had all sprung from his sexuality, and it was difficult to confess for fear of the same thing happening here. He knew his fears were likely unfounded; if his boss was gay and the community seemed to be okay with it, then it was unlikely they would try to run him out of town for having the same preferences, right?

  He hadn’t exactly made a public declaration like the one Mack had made for Oliver, but then again, Declan didn’t have the same motivation that Mack had. He was alone. There was no one to make the grand gesture for. He hoped that by the time he fell in love, he would feel comfortable enough with his own sexuality to do the same thing.

  He felt a little guilty for not laying all his cards out for Lucas. He should have told him he was gay when he asked about Oliver, but he couldn’t. Part of it was fear of what Lucas’s reaction would be. He didn’t know the circumstances surrounding the attack. It had presented like a textbook hate crime, and Declan didn’t want to add any unnecessary stress to Lucas, especially less than twelve hours after coming home from the hospital. More than that, though, he was afraid of what Lucas’s reaction would be, and worst of all, that Lucas would leave, not wanting to be around Declan once he found out.

  THE NEXT morning, Declan woke up feeling content and refreshed. It felt nice to be able to stay home and not drive into Ellsworth to the hospital. It was nice knowing that Lucas was safe and healthy only a few rooms away. He liked knowing that the guy was so close. He made coffee and sat at the kitchen table reading the paper.

  A while later, Lucas emerged from his room, his hair still a mess, stubble covering his jaw, and his eyes even more red than the day before. He looked as though he hadn’t slept at all.

  “How are you feeling today?” Declan asked.

  “Fine,” Lucas replied.

  “How’s the pain? Are you still taking the meds?”

  “It’s fine. No. I haven’t taken any.”

  “Do you need any?”

  “Nope.”

  “Okay….” What a delightful conversationalist, thought Declan. He wondered if the attitude was going to remain this cold and distant the entire time he stayed. It would be a long six weeks if that were the case.

  “I have to go into the office for a bit today, and I have some running around to do. Do you want to come with me, or do you want to stay here?”

  “Why would I come with you?”

  “I dunno, I just thought maybe you would want to get out of the house for a bit. Hope Cove is pretty small. You could walk around while I’m finishing up some paperwork from last week, and then we could meet up and have lunch at the diner.”

  “No thanks.”

  “Okay, whatever you want to do. If you change your mind, let me know.”

  “I won’t,” Lucas said brusquely as he grabbed a section of the paper and started reading, shutting Declan out.

  “All right.”

  Declan was already getting pretty sick of the attitude, and it had only been one day.

  “I’m going to hop in the shower. Do you need anything before I do?”

  “Nope.”

  Chapter 8

  WHEN DECLAN arrived at the station, he walked straight to his desk. He slumped down in his ergonomically designed chair and surveyed the room. Everything looked exactly the same. The same cluttered desks, the same terrible lighting, the same greyish-white wall color and drab blue linoleum. His desk was the same, meticulously organized and clutter free. He wasn’t sure how the other deputies were able to find anything on the messes they called their workstations, but to each his own.

  He pulled the file on Lucas’s attack from the folder organizer in the top left corner and opened it to the first page. Nothing had magically appeared since he looked at it two days earlier. There in bright and vivid color were the photos of the crime scene and of Lucas’s battered body. Additional photos had been taken at the hospital after the blood had been cleaned off, and the sight of it still turned Declan’s stomach.

  Other than the statement Declan had given to Mack at the hospital, there were very few details in the remainder of the file. There was a report from the doctor, which didn’t hold anything Declan didn’t already know. There was no physical evidence found at the scene, no weapon, and no witnesses.

  It was infuriating that there were no leads to follow up on, and the only person that could help him had seemed unlikely to do so.

  Mack walked out of his office and crossed the main room to Declan’s desk. He leaned against the side and crossed his arms. “Still working on the Hale case?”

  Declan nodded and leaned back in his chair, tiling to look at Mack. “Yeah, but there hasn’t been any progress at all. It’s so frustrating. I don’t know where to go from here.”

  “How’s he doing?”

  “He’s better. The surgery went well, and he seems to be healing up nicely. The hospital discharged him yesterday.”

  “And now he’s living at your house.”

  Declan’s eyebrows went up before he realized. “Oliver. Oliver told you.”

  “Of course Oliver told me, and even if he hadn’t, you think you could hide the fact that you’re squirreling away a buff little man at your place for very long? The whole town will be talking about it by the end of today, if they’re not already. Marcus already mentioned that Ben told him you had someone staying with you.”

  “Fucking small towns. Nothing is your own business.”

  “Nope. And we gotta talk about your involvement on the case, Dec. The rule book would say I should pull you off it for conflict of interest.”

  Declan was momentarily dumbfounded. He hadn’t even entertained the possibility of being pulled from the case. He couldn’t let that happen. He had to follow this through to the end. “No, Mack, please don’t do that. I can keep the personal and the professional separated. I swear.”

  “I know you’re a good cop, and you wouldn’t do anything to intentionally jeopardize the case or your career, but I think you’re too close to this one. For now, take a step back from it. Focus on Lucas and helping him heal. You know we’ll use every resource available to us to find out who hurt Lucas, and I swear I’ll keep you updated on any progress we make.”

  Declan paused before responding. He didn’t much like being kept off the case, but he knew Mack would honor his word to keep him in the loop.

  “Okay.”

  “Good. Now that we’ve got that outta the way, you wanna tell me what you’ve got so far?”

  “Not a lot, to be honest. Lucas isn’t talking, and I don’t think pushing him will help. He doesn’t seem to want to deal with it at all.”

  “Well, can you blame him? It looked like he went through something pretty awful.”

  “Yeah, but I would be pissed. I would want whoever did that to me to pay.”

  “Would you?” Mack asked him, his eyes narrowing and boring straight into him. Declan didn’t think he was trying to be an asshole; he just wanted him to reexamine his belief structure on the situation. “You’re sure, that if you were put in his place… if someone had beaten you and broken you… are you sure you would turn and fight? You wouldn’t run from the situation, emotionally at least?”

  Declan knew they weren’t just talking about Lucas. “It’s not the same thing at all,” he said, feeling very much like a little boy.

  “I know it’s not an identical situation, but the principle is the same. You were abused and beaten, he was abused and beaten. You ran, and he’s hiding. I’m not saying that it’s the wrong thing to do. Especially in cases like this, sometimes the victim can’t deal with the consequences of facing their attacker. I’m just trying to get you to see the parallels between your situation and his. Maybe you should talk to him. Tell him what you went through. He might feel a bit more trusting if you were to open up first.”

  “I don’t think so. I can’t tell him what happened.”

  “Why not?”